Big important fancy meeting at Chautauqua hall (WITH SANDWHICHES)

Hello! This is Dylan gentile here trying out a new way to post stuff to only in Defuniak because my computer is uber jacked up! So let's cut the filler and get right to what you want to hear, if you're not involved in local politics you are probably completely oblivious to this massively important meeting that I'm talking about which will most likely influence your everyday life. :( keep up citizen, geez. Anyways I got a uber mysterious email inviting me to this uber mysterious event from the mayors office and then another one from my old boss who may or may not be the city grant writer, requesting me to invite 5 friends. 4 actually showed up! NEW RECORD!
The meeting was about Defuniak Springs being selected for some state program, competitive Florida or something that would help get grants for stuff and analyze data. There were lots of big important people in really fancy clothes: which given  the meeting was invite only and the prestigious city of Defuniak was running the show, it was not surprising.
This wise old African American woman stood up and spoke on behalf of her neighborhood, which used to be a bustling cultural center, but is now falling apart. My friends that had never heard this type of speech before started to tear up. Not long afterwords Hunter Bardisa stood up and gave this amazing impromptu speech that received a standing ovation. Hes really cool, I'll have to put up a interview with him at some point. Then there was free food, some people gave lectures about the program, and I inadvertently started a coalition of teen activists. :/ life is weird. We're actually having a meeting at city hall at 4:30 on Wednesday.
Anyways the meeting was awesome, I threw some shade at the community traffic safety team, we ate free food, and I get to dress like a rich guy. So all in all I give all I give this 4.2/5 stars! :)

Also my friend ate too many of those muffins cooked with rum and we were pretty sure she got drunk.
Drunk on muffins.
Huh.
That's new. \_(._.)_/

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Posted via Blogaway

SORRY I WAS GONE

HELLO! IT'S ME!

Dylan Gentile here, head and (only) ;( writer for Only In Defuniak. Our production company Dylan Gentile INC™ cancelled Only In Defuniak for a 6 month period due to a lack of revenue which is still pretty much non-existent, but our head producer Dylan Gentile, and our CEO Dylan Gentile decided to renew Only In Defuniak for a third season due to a general lack of interest in anything else! Hooray! To sum up the news: 

• This company is planning to build a HUGE racetrack in the city. (Vroom, Vroom)
• Some more cars crashed. :(
• The Walton Braves were on a winning streak until our last home game against the bulldogs from Jacksonville. 
• (I know I'm supposed to capitalize their mascot but I don't think they deserve it) 
• Homecoming was awesome and I have to say I did a pretty amazing job doing class secretary stuff. (Logan just extremely disagree in the comments section)
• I missed a bunch of city council meetings which were probably just not exciting things. (although at the last meeting I was at somebody slipped a public transportation agreement in the agenda which was approved with flying colors, although nobody can seem to tell me what it actually was)
• And they reorganized city hall again! :)

So thanks for holding out for so long without my amazing works of literary art. A bunch of people tell me this blog makes their day, and if that's true I'm glad some drab humor can lighten up the daily news.

In return for being AMAZING, AWESOME PEOPLE, I give you this video I found on YouTube  of a dinosaur running through the dollar general parking lot:

(Courtesy of  Kialey Gray ILU Heaven Paris)

2016 Presidential Candidate is Good Sport

INTERVIEW WITH 2016 DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE HOWELL ASTOR

So I met this 2016 Democratic presidential candidate named Howell Astor after he followed me on twitter and he was nice enough to put up with my ridiculousness and let me interview him. I'll post a link to his website after the interview:
DYLAN: "so what kind of interview do you want? we can do a serious one where your totally serious or we can do a funny one where I ask you questions I crowdsourced at the highschool today"


Howell: "I am good either way. Usually in HS students are more kicked back If you want to make it more fun, I am good with that"

DYLAN: "Alright is there anybody under the age of 27 that can help you translate slang words? Also do you know the phonetic alphabet? were you in any wars? Some kid wrote their question in military code or whatever and I can read it I just wanna see if you can, because as president your gonna have to read lots of secret documents ya'know. Whiskey Hotel yankee BREAK sierra hotel oscar uniform lima delta BREAK yankee oscar uniform BREAK bravo echo BREAK papa romeo echo sierra india delta echo nevada tango BREAK BREAK"


Howell: "I am a Blue Collar guy. I didn't have the pleasure of serving however I am sure one of my guys can interpret this code. Curious now. Whiskey?"

DYLAN: "Ok one kid just wrote "Illumanati?" so I guess this questions open to your interpretation. Next question after the illumanati one is "trump- bae or nay?""

Howell: "Three idiots reading endlessly drama BREAK Obama freak BREAK
Great Oscillating virgins endeavoring retarded numeric music BREAK. Lumanati? Sounds like cool drink. Trump is better than Hillary. I am better than trump. I would presume the "kid" who wrote that luminati would not have knowledge of ISIS. I thought this was a comical interview."

DYLAN: "You dont know what the illuminati is? Its like some secretive group at the middle of every crazy conspiracy theory. Ok my friend cleetus wanted specifics

"do you support the gays? If so what's your favorite type of gay?"

Howell: "I believe that gay marriages should be decided upon by their given state via a vote. It should be voted for or against and the majority wins. gay marriages is a highly debated subject. Let Democracy work and let it be voted on by the people. I don't get into conspiracy theories. I am just amazed that as a Presidential Candidate I didn't have to show any ID....even if I win True!"

DYLAN: "They weren't really asking what you thought about it policy wise just as a person."

Howell: "Personal feelings can't be considered when making decisions for the entire country. That is what got us in the mess we are now in."

DYLAN: "Okee Dokee"

It was a slow day at the high school I didn't manage to get that many questions, sorry.

http://www.howellastor.com/

COUNCIL IS GETTING SUED

OMG guys. So the council apparently were all in kahootz with each other and unanimously agreed to fire this cop before the issue was even bought to them at a meeting. Mark weeks wanted some person named Krika fired and talked to city councilman about it before-hand. This violated sunshine state laws that basically say councilman can't be talking to each-other about issues bought to them outside of meetings for corruption reasons.
The North West Florida daily reports on it here: http://m.nwfdailynews.com/Section/259/Article/1%7C465647
According to them this could lead to proof of widespread corruption across the county. According to Kirka Mark wanted Kirka fired because he was going to expose some suspicious city activity to the FBI.
Councilman Wright commented that the law prohibiting councilman from being in kahootz before issues are brought to them is basically straight out of Stalin's communist Russia and is violating free speech or something. This is some serious small town stuff here.
I have to admit that it seems a bit messed up on the side of the city council to blatantly disregard a state law we all know exists even though it might be a dumb law.
Now the city council is dodging the bullet and making the Florida league of cities deal with the suit
"David Krika says he was fired in 2012 after he pointed out “anomalies” — including evidence of Sunshine Law violations — in a city manager candidate’s application process."- NWFDN
"Krika’s attorney, Stephen Webster, said what he has seen of City Council members flaunting open-meeting laws boggles the mind."-NWFD
"OMG I didn't know that this could even happen it's like totes ratchet and not cool"- Random High School Student
#onlyindefuniak

THE ELECTIONS ARE OVER

Democracy at its finest, murica' at it's finest and Defuniak at it's finest; the elections have ended.
Here are the results via mypanhandle.com:
City Council, Seat 1:
Janie Griffith - 527
Paul "Mac" Work Jr - 520


City Council, Seat 2: 
Dr. Fawzi Fawaz - 157
Reed Nolin - 219
Kermit Wright - 657


City Council, Seat 3:Ronnie Kelley - 612Rebecca King - 418

City Marshal:
Michael Ray Howell - 148Mark Weeks - 487
James Wayne Hurley - 430

To be honest I kinda wish he elections would've gone different because our city council is not very diverse and most of them seem to have the same opinions, but hey I'm 15 what do I know? Also btw to all you city politicians I haven't been  at city hall as often lately because my mom is starting her own massage business and she needs me to watch my sister while she does that alot of the time. 
Also I'm broke and need a job so if anybody has anything on that email me at: dudetheiguana@gmail.com

CITY ELECTIONS

THE ELECTIONS ARE COMING, THE ELECTIONS ARE COMING! The city elections for 3 council positions and city marshal. Honestly, in my opinion I think that Rebecca should get at least one of them, because not to be mean or anything, the other people I interviewed gave me really generic broad answers but she went really in detail and gave me the least generic. You can get the link to the interview HERE: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2m96lg It really seems though that Councilman Kelly is going to win given polls I did at the high school.One man I interviewed stated "That Ron guy sounds like the type of guy that likes huntin ' and will let us keep our guns and I like respect that" Also, again not trying to be mean, but these guys really don't know what appeals to younger people these days. What we really want is some kind of art and culture scene, more places like the downtown, coffee and job prospects in the technology field. That's why there's so many millennial's in San Fran, just saying. Like it's great that we have a tacobell on a giant highway connecting other fast food joints and chain stores but what we want is some urbanity, we don't care about owning as many acres as possible like older people we kinda want to be closer together. I mean if the best we could do is more chain stores, subdivisions and collector roads NOWAL  then us young people are all just going to have to move. I spent like 3 hours downtown today just because I liked the atmosphere. Speaking of which anybody that didn't say they wanted the city hall downtown by the old piggly wiggly, I wouldn't vote for them.Anyways that's my shbeal, vote for Rebecca, more places like the downtown; lets go Defuniak 

#SARAHBOWERS-SUNDAYS

Bike and Walk Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

(ultimate goal pictured above)

Britanny and I exited my moms large durango and walked up the steps of city hall. Steffon was waiting inside. He had for some reason showed up half an hour earlier. I noticed he still hadn't shaved his hitler stache, to which I assured him it DID NOT look cool and he claimed he needed them for allergy reasons. I shouldn't be the one to judge given I wear fake giant nerd glasses, but whatever. The three of us entered the council chambers, which for some reason smelled like butt that day. Seriously. We turned on the fans and everything but it did not help. Allen and Clay showed up not soon after. We briefly had a discussion about pointless fundraising ideas that may or may not be implemented . I say it's pointless because the sidewalk alone would cost $279,000 and we more than likely will need a grant. A TED talk I've seen 4 times over appeared on the projector to train the new recruits.  Neither Councilman Carpenter or Shaynee betts arrived so basically nothing official that could actually help ended up happening, but at least we got new recruits.

#mournful-mondays

I WILL TYPE THE NOTES FROM THE LAST MEETING UP TOMORROW OKAY!?

Okay good. 
NOTE: THIS WAS NOT THE MOST RECENT MEETING

WILSON, SEWAGE AND THE DECAPITATED DEER HEAD

So I'm going to get all the depressing stuff out of the way first before I start using hashtags and making jokes. A 55 year old man named Robert Wilson died in a car crash on US 331 recently after a 20-year old drifted into the wrong lane. My respects go out to his family and friends. You can learn more about that HERE
Okay with that out of the way, we're going to start taking the sewage from freeport, so anybody living out by the treatment plant, you better start keeping an ample supply of clothespins around to put on your nose. I went to the sewage treatment plant about a week ago with my friend Allen. It isn't the prettiest place but we have to put it somewhere. This lady in overalls told the city council about it.  ANYWAYS, You know what one of my favorite things about Defuniak is? That it is probably the only place where you'll see city officials holding decapitated deer heads:

So that's pretty awesome #saltlife. Also I found out that Tilman actually also works with the police too. Assistant city manager, public works director AND works for the police? He basically runs this town. 

In other news spring break has started, meaning boredom  for everybody in Northern Walton county and  destroyed beaches and neighborhoods in Southern Walton County. STAY SAFE WALTON COUNTY. Other than that there is a battle of the burgers going on at nwfdn and in the name of the city yall better vote for Ed's pub burger. There's a sinkhole in Pine Shores eating away at the road there and there'll be a walk at wee care park on the 18th. All funds will go towards autism research. A guy in town also got arrested for shooting into someones RV . Come on citizens, if you're going to commit a crime at least make it worth something, don't shoot randomly into peoples campers. Please don't commit a crime though, that'd be bad.

The school bus, lakefest and the coffee famine of 2015

As you could tell by the extremely unnecessary and distracting gif above the title, you could tell alot is going to be happening in our tiny little burg soon. Or at least tiny little burg is the best I could come up with, we can argue over classifications of cities before the next city council meeting. ANYWAYS, a school bus from Walton High School was in a crash, luckily no one died but apparently one kid got a bit scraped up and they had to bring him to the hospital. Chief Mark Weeks says this is due to school busses being built like tanks or something like that.The city has a press release on its website you can access HERE
#TGICTF
(thank god its close to Friday)
In other news a small pacific island country lost 90% of its infrastructure and thousands of lives to a hurricane yesterday but I dont think yall care much about that.
IN LOCAL NEWS
Lake fest is getting nearer and nearer, and it sounds like it'll be a blast. I get to volunteer at the info booth, walk in circles and write a blog post about it afterwards! I don't know about you but that's my version of a day at the beach.  Lake fest is this cool event we have by Lake Defuniak where a bunch of vendors set up and a bunch of activities are hosted. You can learn more about that HERE
Now if only we could get a sidewalk....
There's also a massive drill competition taking place at Walton High School on the 11th around 8AM. Thousands of people are going to go there, and it's gonna be AMAZING. You should come, but if you aren't there's probably going to be traffic on Walton Road and you might want to take US 90 to avoid it. Or you know, you could ride a bike or walk or something, if that's not too much to ask of course.
THE GREAT COFFEE FAMINE

 As you probably know already the local coffee shop shut down for good. Where are we going to get our overpriced pumpkin spice latte's now? It's a full blown crisis. After hearing numerous conversations in the hallways of Walton High School that include "OMFG man don't talk to me I haven't had any coffee this morning", "WTF why don't we have a starbucks in Defuniak!?" and "I tried to get a coffee from taco bell but no one there seems to know how to make any!" I and my click of community activists at the high school have released a statement decreeing we"definitely fo show need so mo cofffay in this boring town, it'll be totally ratchet and make us not so tired all the flipping time." Well there you have it. Just to show the extent of the crisis I polled people about a month ago about what they would like in this town and about 16 out of 24 students replied that we needed more coffee in the city.

Thanks for reading Defuniakers, and don't forget too subscribe or donate.
If you have any questions or comments email me: dudetheiguana@gmail.com

#tilman-tuesdays
weird video of the day:
cache monet

I've been getting requests to interview some of these council people and don't worry guys I'll get right on it!
Also those people at Walton that don't know about the sale of city hall you can find that HERE