WILSON, SEWAGE AND THE DECAPITATED DEER HEAD

So I'm going to get all the depressing stuff out of the way first before I start using hashtags and making jokes. A 55 year old man named Robert Wilson died in a car crash on US 331 recently after a 20-year old drifted into the wrong lane. My respects go out to his family and friends. You can learn more about that HERE
Okay with that out of the way, we're going to start taking the sewage from freeport, so anybody living out by the treatment plant, you better start keeping an ample supply of clothespins around to put on your nose. I went to the sewage treatment plant about a week ago with my friend Allen. It isn't the prettiest place but we have to put it somewhere. This lady in overalls told the city council about it.  ANYWAYS, You know what one of my favorite things about Defuniak is? That it is probably the only place where you'll see city officials holding decapitated deer heads:

So that's pretty awesome #saltlife. Also I found out that Tilman actually also works with the police too. Assistant city manager, public works director AND works for the police? He basically runs this town. 

In other news spring break has started, meaning boredom  for everybody in Northern Walton county and  destroyed beaches and neighborhoods in Southern Walton County. STAY SAFE WALTON COUNTY. Other than that there is a battle of the burgers going on at nwfdn and in the name of the city yall better vote for Ed's pub burger. There's a sinkhole in Pine Shores eating away at the road there and there'll be a walk at wee care park on the 18th. All funds will go towards autism research. A guy in town also got arrested for shooting into someones RV . Come on citizens, if you're going to commit a crime at least make it worth something, don't shoot randomly into peoples campers. Please don't commit a crime though, that'd be bad.

The school bus, lakefest and the coffee famine of 2015

As you could tell by the extremely unnecessary and distracting gif above the title, you could tell alot is going to be happening in our tiny little burg soon. Or at least tiny little burg is the best I could come up with, we can argue over classifications of cities before the next city council meeting. ANYWAYS, a school bus from Walton High School was in a crash, luckily no one died but apparently one kid got a bit scraped up and they had to bring him to the hospital. Chief Mark Weeks says this is due to school busses being built like tanks or something like that.The city has a press release on its website you can access HERE
#TGICTF
(thank god its close to Friday)
In other news a small pacific island country lost 90% of its infrastructure and thousands of lives to a hurricane yesterday but I dont think yall care much about that.
IN LOCAL NEWS
Lake fest is getting nearer and nearer, and it sounds like it'll be a blast. I get to volunteer at the info booth, walk in circles and write a blog post about it afterwards! I don't know about you but that's my version of a day at the beach.  Lake fest is this cool event we have by Lake Defuniak where a bunch of vendors set up and a bunch of activities are hosted. You can learn more about that HERE
Now if only we could get a sidewalk....
There's also a massive drill competition taking place at Walton High School on the 11th around 8AM. Thousands of people are going to go there, and it's gonna be AMAZING. You should come, but if you aren't there's probably going to be traffic on Walton Road and you might want to take US 90 to avoid it. Or you know, you could ride a bike or walk or something, if that's not too much to ask of course.
THE GREAT COFFEE FAMINE

 As you probably know already the local coffee shop shut down for good. Where are we going to get our overpriced pumpkin spice latte's now? It's a full blown crisis. After hearing numerous conversations in the hallways of Walton High School that include "OMFG man don't talk to me I haven't had any coffee this morning", "WTF why don't we have a starbucks in Defuniak!?" and "I tried to get a coffee from taco bell but no one there seems to know how to make any!" I and my click of community activists at the high school have released a statement decreeing we"definitely fo show need so mo cofffay in this boring town, it'll be totally ratchet and make us not so tired all the flipping time." Well there you have it. Just to show the extent of the crisis I polled people about a month ago about what they would like in this town and about 16 out of 24 students replied that we needed more coffee in the city.

Thanks for reading Defuniakers, and don't forget too subscribe or donate.
If you have any questions or comments email me: dudetheiguana@gmail.com

#tilman-tuesdays
weird video of the day:
cache monet

I've been getting requests to interview some of these council people and don't worry guys I'll get right on it!
Also those people at Walton that don't know about the sale of city hall you can find that HERE

I MADE A THING

Here, please help to fund an over-privileged millennial who happens to own a blog:

SLAG=SWAG

CITY HALL:

An adorable elderly couple walks up to the podium. The wife owns piggly wiggly (the southern version of stop and shop #saltlife) and the husband, I don't know, maybe he helps own the piggly wiggly. Anyways for some reason they need more room for customer parking (that doesn't really make any sense to me because at any given time their parking is less than half full), so they wanted to have their employees park in the back of the building. A argument breaks out between Councilman Carpenter who's on a rebellious streak and the couple. I actually quoted them and wrote this down, I didn't find it necessary to reword it to be funny :
COUNCILMAN CARPENTER: "Well actually legally the surface needs to be impervious for people to park on it and for it to be impervious that means water can't pass through it."
GROCERY STORE OWNER: "Well isn't that just an assumption?" (she means the definition of impervious)
COUNCILMAN CARPENTER: "No that's engineering"
GROCERY STORE OWNER: "Well are you an engineer?" *sarcastically*
COUNCILMAN CARPENTER: "no"
GROCERY STORE OWNERS HUSBAND: "Listen, do you have a problem with me?" *stares down councilman*
So that happened. So I think we should have a hashtag on this blog for a city official at the end of every article.
#SarahBowers-saturday
BTW if you didn't get the title slag is a type of gravel-like concrete that becomes impervious as you drive over it. #planning joke
On another note, city elections are coming up, and as people who are reading this and probably you know,actually care about the future of the city it's your job to get out and vote.
In my opinion James Hurley should be the city marshall in the next election because hes cool, sent me a nice email and has a epic goatee but whatever your opinion is your opinion. We're not voting for mayor or anything yet, although in the future when it becomes time to do so y'all better vote for Shaynee Betts, but there are several council seats up, and I think I'll interview them and ask their opinions on certain issues so you can know who to vote for. Stay strong Defuniakers, also you better get off your butts and vote.

ADVERTISING NOTICE

This is just a short notice that I am willing to do advertisements or write on this blog about certain issues for a small monetary charge which is extremely negotiable.

THE YOUNG EXPLORERS AND THE OLD GUN SHOOTER

So there was a young explorers meeting the other day that my JROTC commander made me go to and I actually learned some things. The young explorers, if you didn't already know, is a group of kids that the sheriff's department teaches cop things, and not just any cop things, but police cop things. That literally made no grammatical sense what I just said there but anyways, at this meeting they talked about how designing places differently makes them less vulnerable to crime and that safety starts at home. Although I do have to say that unless a bunch of homes are in on that it doesn't work but you know thats just wannabee-planner talk. We sat at this really big wood table that looks like someone carved it out of a redwood tree. To the right of me sat a kid with a large bottle of mountain dew whose name I don't know and whose mom sat behind me the whole time. I sat in a spinny chair that was really big and it felt very empowering, you never know how empowering a chair could be until you sit in it #IVEGOTTHEPOWER . I was given two bicycle reflectors and a bunch of paperwork, figures

 

THE TALENT SHOW

Hey, Dylan here. If you're asking about that rabbit pictured above you probably don't go to Walton High school. (It's a inside joke). There was a talent show last night and I hear it was amazing. There were several rappers, a screamo band and someone playing the piano. Spoiler alert the piano person one. Now that that's out of the way, to an unrelated topic, the city hired a new planning director! I haven't talked to her yet because I've been busy but I'm going to leave her name anonymous till I can interview her. Also Elections are coming up in the city, I'm trying to start a new housing subsidy program and there's going to be a think tank for solutions to the cities issues  that Shaynee (probably the closest person to leslie knope you can find) said she was gonna do and my mom finally started a massage business. Oh BTdubs #followfriday on my twitter page @dudetheiguana

THE CASE OF THE HOT DOG ANNIVERSERY

A war broke out, a war to change the city forever, the conflict of a lifetime, the french vanillas among the decafs, the nuclear of bombs... A debate between two councilman over whether the DOT Ok'd the advertising banners. The councilman spoke about how the city is putting up a new digital sign alongside the banner to let people and businesses pay the city to advertise. Then another councilman shot back  "well what are the limits... what if someone was celebrating a 50th anniversary, was offering no admission fee, hundreds of people were to show up and was going to feed everyone hot dogs!" At first, given the context of the situation I thought this was a joke, I chuckled. Then a woman walked up to the podium. 

"hello, hello. it's actually our 60th anniversary and we're giving everyone hotdogs because..."  and that was the moment when the city needed to seriously consider hot dogs as a crucial part of their political decisions.

#onlyindefuniak 

THE MYSTERIOUS BUSINESS MAN WITH THE LONG PRESENTATION

During the city council meeting today a mysterious man with a weird haircut found his way into our town. He was in a suit and had a really long presentation about natural gas that may have killed several people. I don't know, maybe they were just sleeping because they couldn't deal with the boredom. Anyways he took up like 3 hours of time at a public meeting to try and sell the city gas. That's called soliciting, that's actually illegal my dear sir, and because of the way the council room is set up his butt was in the future City Marshall and I's face while he was presenting (JAMES HURLEY FOR MARSHALL WHOOOOO), and I noticed a small square in his pocket, it wasn't exactly a phone shape, so it must have been something else, maybe cyanide pills, just in case you never know. He left after the meeting so I couldn't quote him on anything. Whoever knows the guys name gets a free mention on the blog #onlyindefuniak

Am now managing autism awareness campaign?

So we have to do a community service project for first period and the teachers decided reading to kids wasn't good enough so they decided to escalate the cause so now we're doing fundraising for autism research. There's going to be a walk that you have to pay to do, because you know, the average Defuniaker likes walking so much already that now they want to pay to do it. So we had an election to see who would be managing this thing and all these kids nominated me, and I won the election by a landslide. So now I'm managing it. I've conjured something up so now I'm the young man with a plan. How many non-profits can you run before it becomes suspicious? 

So I got an article

This really nice writer from citylab saw the cool stuff I was doing in town and she wrote an article on me:

http://www.citylab.com/politics/2015/03/this-aspiring-urban-planner-is-making-waves-in-florida/386210/

One day on twitter while stalking Jeff Speck I saw in the suggested people to follow category "Sarah Goodyear" and it said she wrote for city lab. I really like city lab because it talks about urban planning related problems and solutions. So I tweeted at her, then she sent me a DM, then I sent her an Email, then she called me and we ended up doing a interview. Anyways that was cool, so now I'm going to write something about my little sister on MY blog so she doesn't feel left out. Kylie is 7 years old, likes videogames and hates Hitler. Everything in her room is pink, she likes cats and she's in the middle of a love triangle with Gabe and Paytan where Paytan likes Gabe, Gabe likes her and she's Paytans best friend. There we go. So I've been working on some new project ideas I might bring up tomorrow at the 4th Bike and walk meeting involving a self-fulfilling art district.